In his book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, Donald Miller said
“Humans are alive for the purpose of a journey, a kind of three-act structure. They are born and spend several years discovering themselves and the world, then plod through a long middle in which they are compelled to search for a mate and reproduce, and also create stability out of natural instability, and they find themselves at an ending that seems designed for reflection.”
Please have a read through some past posts (on the sidebar to the left) and let us know which ones most inspire you by commenting. We have recently relocated to the Florida Panhandle, have settled in with family, schools, etc., and are now excited to commit more time to writing, sharing, and exploring via TJoR and CEOhm (note: CEOhm is currently only available on Facebook). We appreciate your feedback as we continue to grow together.
The second agreement from Don Miguel’s Ruiz’s book, aptly named, “The Four Agreements”, is simple and freeing:
“Don’t take Anything Personally!”
How easy it is to watch others… we can see a child having a tantrum and know he doesn’t really “hate” his mother; we see a senior citizen mad at the customer service representative and know that senior may have had a very challenging day even getting to the store (it wasn’t the fault of the person at the counter or service rep).
Yet, when it happens to you, when someone criticizes you or yells at you, it can be more difficult! You may feel offended and your reaction is to defend yourself, defend your beliefs, and create conflicts. You may make something big out of something small because you have the need to be right and make everybody else wrong. You may hold onto this negative energy for hours, days, weeks or even longer! But… maybe that person was simply having a bad day; maybe that person needed to feel better about themselves; maybe that person comes from a different culture/background with different beliefs; maybe it wasn’t about you at all, it was about them.
So much sadness and drama in our lives is caused by us taking things personally. It is true at every age — children, teenagers, college-aged, new career, soccer moms, aging executives, and the elderly. We know those who seize onto the drama. As parents we have been fond of saying in the face of a tantrum, “when the audience leaves ,the show is over.” The same holds true here, when we don’t take it personally, the drama and negativity fade.
When we create new habits to Not Take it Personally, we find peace, serenity, connections, understanding (as we seek to understand), compassion, love… such wonderful ways to fill our days and lives!
As a life-long student of leadership and mindfulness, I found the following list of 9 Things to Give Up quite interesting related to the agreement not to take anything personally —
I reflected on this list from different perspectives – from the eyes of a child, or a worn-down or complacent colleague, a grumpy complainer, even from the perspective of a successful executive… I know many CEO’s who have mastered the first 6 on this list toward happiness (and success) but remain highly sensitive to the last 3. Obviously, it is these last 3 which highly correlate to “Don’t Take Anything Personally”. I would argue that if a senior leader truly wants to build a healthy and sustainable organization they must master these last 3 for themselves personally and professionally.
I will also put forward, for those of us who may not have mastered these last 3 aspects DURING our careers, retirement is a fantastic time time to tackle them and experience the many FREEING aspects of letting them go. I now regularly challenge myself to let go of these limiting needs. (See: L’Eggo My Ego!)
It will take time… we are working to change habits that we have established over a lifetime; but the benefits are great. By Not Taking Things Personally we open our curiosity and awareness to understand the world around us, to learn more about others and ourselves, to try new things, be silly, have fun, and to maintain thoughtful focus on our priorities, development, health and happiness instead of being distracted by and engaging in poisonous drama. Sounds pretty good to me… ready to give it a try!?
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In retirement, and in life, your attitude creates your reality.
I know, that sounds very metaphysical, but you know what? It is a simple truth. The more positive you are, the more positive your world will become. Let me give a simple example from my recent experience.
When I left my job and career earlier this year I proactively announced it to my friends and family. I sent an email and posted on social media a message that shared the following points:
I was stepping down as CEO of the company I had been leading;
After 22 years of long days and great successes, I was looking forward to a sabbatical;
I was excited to take this time to re-calibrate, re-connect, and re-evaluate how my wife and I wanted to live the next 22 years!
Within 12 hours of sharing this message, I received 200 “likes” on my personal Facebook page and more than 50 comments from my friends with a consistent message primarily saying, “Congratulations! I am so jealous – enjoy!”
While I was thrilled to hear the broad support for my counter-culture approach, I was intrigued in the reaction as a social experiment. Based on my message, I received almost unanimous POSITIVE support and many expressions of ENVY for my situation.
I couldn’t help but wonder how different the reactions would have been if I would have posted a different, arguably accurate, reflection of my reality: “Can you believe it?! After 22 years, I was just separated from my company 1 year prior to reaching retirement benefits eligibility!”
Certainly the responses would not have been, “Congratulations!” or “I am jealous!” Perhaps some friends would have tried to pump me up, some would have cursed the company I had worked for, some would have provided me their sympathy and offered networking connections.
The company I had been leading had been sold by the larger corporation, and due to circumstances, ownership, and personnel changes, it was no longer a fit for me. In fact, I separated from the corporation 1 year short of retirement eligibility. But I had been fortunate to have saved money over the years, to have married a partner who could embrace living simply, and to have a midlife mindset that was ready to explore a change.
I could choose to be positive and embrace the moment as an adventurer, or I could be negative and dwell on the past as a victim.
Thus, my attitude defined my reality and dictated how others experienced and reacted to it. I could choose to be positive and embrace the moment as an adventurer, or I could be negative and dwell on the past as a victim. How true is this for all of the daily events in our lives? We can embrace daily challenges with a sense of adventure, humor and positivism or we can let those daily challenges wear us down with negativism, exhaustion and a sense of being a victim. It is YOUR CHOICE how you approach your daily life while working, during retirement and every waking moment!
A heroic writer and philosopher said:
“Forces beyond your control can take away everything you possess except one thing, your freedom to choose how you will respond to the situation.”
― Viktor E. Frankl
I simplify it by teaching my children:
“The one thing you can truly control is your attitude — choose your attitude carefully”
― MyLife2.0
Six months into my early retirement, I am thrilled with the path I am on. I have had great experiences with myself and my family, have explored new paradigms, and have learned new skills. As I continue to build MyLife2.0, I am 20 pounds lighter, feel 20 years younger, and believe I experience 20x more happiness as I enjoy each day and plan for the next decades.
When you face your next life change or choice, embrace it and follow your passion. Choose your attitude, choose your path, and enjoy! There is so much we have yet to do.
I have seen this life reality repeatedly – have you?! Please share your positive experiences…
In my retirement, I finally truly understand the power of the words I was told at my wedding – “Yes, Dear!”
In retirement, I finally learned the power of those two words I was told at my wedding… “Yes, Dear!
Most of us had a reference such as this at our wedding toast if the best man was married: “The key to a successful marriage is two simple words, ‘Yes, Dear!'” Marriage is a joint partnership; it takes collaboration, give and take, working together, not always needing to be right… But I have never been fond of being wrong.
Now that I am home, those two words “Yes, Dear!” are more important than ever. I used to go to work and interact with people all day. Sometimes it was fun, sometimes stressful, I was always on… when I came home, if I was stressed and snapped at someone, I could blame it on work. Now, however, as my wife likes to say, “I am in her space”. She is adjusting to having me around more during the day. While we love our new found time together, it changes her routine and can cause some stress for both of us. And now, if I am stressed and become agitated, it is the same causes of stress that she has had all along – keeping up with kids, house, cooking, appointments, homework, fitness and the list goes on. We summarize it in our family as “oh, I am just cooking, cleaning, washing, scrubbing!!”
Inevitably, I make a comment to my wife during the day. It might be innocent and inquiring, “why do you do it that way?…” It might be more critical and judgmental in tone, “why do you do it THAT way?!” Either approach, I always regret asking! It is a sensitive time. My wife is adjusting to having some of her daily routines challenged and it is not always pretty. I need to learn the power of those two important words in my life and I need to continue learning the lesson to L’Eggo My Ego!
The Romantic Bliss of Retirement!
My wife and I are spending more time together now than ever and we love it. In our first two weeks, we are exercising together, shopping together, relaxing together, enjoying each other and sharing the load at home and with the kids. We realize we also need our own time and will settle into a balanced routine. Fortunately, we have always been each others best friend.
My wife and I are talking more about the future and are discussing our near term goals and routines (this week/month); our mid-term goals (this year/this summer as we begin to plan an RV Adventure!); and our long-term goals (the next 5-25 years!). As we get re-oriented, re-aligned, and re-tire, it will become easier as we work toward the same goals. Until then, I realize it is important that I adjust and finally learn, in my retirement, the true meaning and power of those words I was told at my wedding… “Yes, Dear!”
I left my job as CEO of a large and growing company only two weeks ago. Since that time, I have immersed myself into the world of sabbatical, retirement, family, fitness and friends. It has rapidly become clear — I need to let go of my ego to make the most of MyLife2.0.
Retirement brought me from CEO to House Bitch in 24 hours!
Within 24 hours of my retirement, my wife’s friends were congratulating her on having a ‘house bitch’. That was a bit abrupt – within 24 hours I went from CEO to house bitch! I asked my wife for a more gradual approach — maybe I could start by being her Assistant House Manager and see how it goes?!
However, my more helpful ego lesson was as I started taekwondo. My 12-year-old son has been taking taekwando for a few years and is one belt from his black belt. His efforts have stalled a bit lately so in my retirement I decided to join him, encourage him, and get some exercise as I start with a WHITE belt! He has enjoyed having me go and I expect it is good for his self-esteem to see his father struggling with something he has already mastered.
Our taekwondo club is a wonderful organization taught by caring instructors who share a positive outlook in all they do. One of the ways they teach respect is by requiring everyone to call each other “sir” and “ma’am” — not just to the instructors but to everyone. It is not about a hierarchy, it is about mutual respect. I love it — but here is where my ego went out the door!
One day, the lead instructor broke us into groups by belt and had a different black belt instructor help each group. I was in a group of only two people, myself and an eight-year-old! But that wasn’t all — the black belt instructor assigned to my group was SEVEN years old!
L’Eggo your Ego in Retirement!
He LOVED teaching me as he tried to stay serious and coach me. I obediently called out, “Yes, Sir!” upon each of his instructions and reflected on how ironic this was and how good it was for me to let go of my ego. As CEO, I was used to directing individuals, teams, large organizations. I may very well have been embarrassed to be seen obediently taking orders from a seven-year-old. Yet, in retirement, I relished this experience. I learned and enjoyed while this young man built his self-confidence.
“Yes, Sir!” I said to my seven-year-old instructor!
During the class, as I wiped the sweat from my brow, I looked at my son practicing in his more senior group. He was working diligently but snuck a quick look at me and smiled. It was as if he was saying, “L’eggo your Ego, Dad!”
I can’t wait for my first belt test — I hope to make my seven-year-old instructor and my twelve-year-old son proud. They have already taught me so much! What surprising insights have you gained when you take the time to reflect and learn from others in retirement?!
The best life models are simple. They help us see a simple structure for a complex situation. Retirement Well-Being is no different.
In their book, What Color is Your Parachute for Retirement, John Nelson and Richard Bolles put forward a simple model for Well-Being in Retirement. I find it powerful and compelling. As with most simple models, you can dig deeper for more insightful nuances but the simple model provides a great framework for understanding.
They say there are three dimensions to our well-being:
In our physical world, we want PROSPERITY;
In our physical self, we want HEALTH;
In our non-physical self, we want HAPPINESS.
In a significant way, #1 (prosperity) and #2 (health) affect #3 (happiness). Thus, the illustration puts prosperity and health as a foundation toward happiness. There is much to explore with this model and in each dimension.
First, let us recognize that most of us have had a lop-sided stool. That is we may have had a stronger focus on our career and earnings (prosperity) than our personal health or connections with others outside of work for happiness. Or we may have focused so much on our personal fitness or happiness that our financial prosperity suffered. In retirement, it is our opportunity to re-calibrate and bring balance back to the structure! It starts with simple awareness.
Here at The Joy of Retirement, we will dive into each dimension over time — Prosperity, Health and Happiness — for now, let’s take a quick look so we can begin to understand the depth of each.
Prosperity– in today’s modern world, this is the primary way we ensure a state of well-being for our physical environment. It consists of the “offense” (earnings) and “defense” (spending/saving) of our financial well-being. Inputs include how much have you been able to earn, save, where you live (community and house), what type of car you drive, clothes you wear, and the type of life you lead with regard to earning, spending and control or harmony with your physical environment.
There are many choices we can make to affect our prosperity while working and in retirement. Where we live (domestically or internationally), how we spend or save, the creativity we put toward our daily activities — each is impacted by and can impact our prosperity. Prosperity is an area we are very excited to explore at The Joy of Retirement due to the many simple and creative ways to go with or against the cultural norms and enjoy life on a dime!
Health– this is our well-being related our physical body: vitality, energy, strength, flexibility and endurance. While I have worked for more than two decades in healthcare, I would argue I never paid enough attention to my own health! Now, in retirement as I design MyLife2.0, I have the chance to focus on my health. Even in my first weeks, I am exploring the cardio benefits of swimming, the exhilaration of biking, the social aspects of tennis, and the mindfulness of yoga.
I have chosen to explore my new “health” priority while being very mindful of “prosperity”. By that I mean I have challenged myself to find health pursuits that are free or quite inexpensive intentionally for my overall retirement well-being. My focus on health is also a pursuit which I can explore together with my wife — get your mind out of the gutter! While pursuing health, and being mindful of prosperity, we can build happiness by doing things together and with our friends.
What better pursuit is there than the pursuit of happiness?!
Happiness– is about the social system we create for the well-being in our nonphysical self. How strong is our relationship with ourselves and with others. Do we have fun, enjoyment, a sense of purpose, or find moments of bliss? It is our family, our relationships, our true friendships and the communities in which we participate.
Each of these dimensions affects the others. Poor health can hurt our prosperity. Not enough happiness can impact our health via depression. And when pursued intentionally, each of these dimensions can strengthen the other.
Can we pursue paths to health and happiness that don’t drain or could even improve prosperity? Certainly.
Can we ensure efforts toward prosperity have positive impact on long term health or happiness? Certainly.
Contemplating MyLife2.0
For me, I had to wake up and step out of the corporate world to truly see my neglected dimensions in this simple model. Now, I am excited to explore them, develop them, and grow on the journey. I hope you will explore them with me and share your learnings as we all help each other.
Retirement itself and just the act of planning for retirement, is a chance to re-new, re-calibrate and re-focus on what is important. I believe the model proposed by Nelson and Bolles is a great one to explore further.
What are your thoughts?! Comment below or share with others! [contact-form][contact-field label=’Name’ type=’name’ required=’1’/][contact-field label=’Email’ type=’email’ required=’1’/][contact-field label=’Website’ type=’url’/][contact-field label=’Comment’ type=’textarea’ required=’1’/][/contact-form]
The Greatest Joys in Life: Two stories that tie together for a life lesson — stay with me!
As part of my retirement (or re-tire-ment) journey, I am pursuing a variety of learning opportunities. One of them includes learning to play the guitar. Wanting to be financially prudent, I found and enrolled in a community course for beginner guitar one evening a week at a local high school.
Guitar Class for Beginners
I had been looking forward to the class and went last night… thirty minutes into the hour I was about to text my wife to say, “This is a disaster!” Fortunately, I did not send the text as the evening was about to change.
It was a wonderfully diverse class of 15 students. All races, a variety of backgrounds, ages from 40’s to 80’s! The teacher was very nice but this seemed to be her first time teaching a group instead of one-to-one. She was quiet and had a hard time getting everyone on the same page, literally. It seemed to be a waste of time as so many people did not even understand which string to play, where to put their fingers, etc. and the group was losing interest.
Instead of sending that text to my wife — I took a slow breath and turned to the lady next to me to see if I could help. While I had learned a bit of guitar 30 years ago, she had never touched one and was completely finger-tied. I showed her where to put her fingers, and we started to go through the first lesson slowly together. Within minutes, we were playing the first songs together, smiling and laughing. When we finished, we looked up and the class laughed and applauded!
The teacher had others begin to pair up in two’s and three’s and suddenly the class energy lifted as everyone got to know each other. By the time we left (and most stayed for more than the hour) we were smiling and looking forward to next week.
By slowing down and taking time to connect to each other, the evening went from near “disastrous” to one of new connections, fun, and engaged learning.
Yoga is a great retirement pursuit – teaching it can be even more rewarding!
The same day, my wife was about to teach one of her first yoga classes. My wife has practiced yoga passionately for more than a decade and recently became certified to teach so she could share her passion with others. She has realized that as much as she loves to practice yoga, teaching yoga is something else entirely for someone who has no desire to be the center of attention.
An opportunity came up for my wife to teach yoga at a home for battered women. My wife has an incredibly giving heart and this seemed perfect for her — she could bring the love of yoga, the strength of yoga, to women who needed it. She could teach them and share with them during their time of need. And she wouldn’t feel as much pressure to be a perfect instructor.
She prepared for the class – reviewed her notes, prepared the music she wanted to play, contemplated what to say and how to make it meaningful for this group of women.
When she went to the designated safe house to teach the course, she found — ONE woman! This woman was very excited for the yoga class. My wife had to re-calibrate as teaching just one person was a different experience than teaching a larger class. She started slowly and watched to see what the woman already knew and what she could teach her to continue her yoga journey.
A few minutes into the yoga practice, my wife in a desire to personalize the experience asked what the woman would like to focus on. The woman responded, “Can we just stretch a bit and then lay down and breathe?!”
Again, it took my wife a moment to re-calibrate – but she helped the woman through a few neck, back and leg stretches and then they laid down to b-r-e-a-t-h-e…
The woman relaxed and after another moment opened up and started talking to my wife — about her life, about her challenges and about her dreams. They laughed together and they cried together while laying on their backs. The woman thanked her private teacher repeatedly. By the time my wife came home she was exhilarated by the experience of her yoga class at the battered women’s shelter.
She had CONNECTED for one of the most meaningful and mindful yoga sessions ever. Two women, two strangers, appreciating the peace and simplicity of breathing had connected during a time of need and made each other stronger.
What we can learn from The Joy of Retirement is that by taking a moment, taking a breath, not rushing or focusing merely on our own needs, we can connect with people in new ways that bring meaning, fun and life lessons to ourselves and our family. I am now excited to play guitar with my new group each week; my wife is excited to share yoga with more people and see where the journey can take her… and it started by taking a simple breath.
Retirement should give you the time to BREATHE!
Take a moment to breathe, look around with new eyes, and you will see opportunities to improve the world!
What similar experience have YOU had lately?! Let us know by commenting below!
Every time I tell someone that I am retiring, they quickly tell me “You can’t retire!”, “You are too young to retire!”, “You have too much to give to retire!” It’s as if every time I say “I’m retiring” they hear “I’m dying!” In fact, in our society, retirement seems to be closely related to associations of death, instead of life!
Planning the road ahead
I have been working for the same company for the past 22 years in increasingly challenging leadership roles and capacities. I have worked in the U.S. and led businesses in Europe. I was a Vice President of a large international corporation. I was the CEO of a rapidly growing national company. I managed acquisitions and divestitures for businesses and organizations. I feel I have been successful and, fortunately, I have saved money; but I am only 46 years old, with three young children, will it be enough to last? That is one of the fears of early retirement.
What I know is that after 22 years of an immersive work career, I want to live the rest of my life differently. I want to spend time with my wife, kids, family and friends. I want to spend time with myself for fitness and personal development. I want to spend time to see how I can improve my community. For now I will call that a sabbatical — if it makes people feel better. However, I am pursuing a sabbatical which I hope to stretch out long term !
I may or may not be retiring right now; but I am going to
re-tire
re-tool
re-tread
re-new
re-calibrate
re-visit
re-kindle
re-fresh
re-juvenate
and re-assess life!
As much as some people think of retiring equating to death, I am looking at Retiring to Breathe New Life – MyLife2.0!
In today’s world this is the new and true meaning of retirement. To re-visit life so you can live it on your own terms and not the terms of your corporation or the path you set when you were 21 years old. To step back and re-focus on your priorities of today, your family’s health, personal development and new adventures. This is the retirement I want to pursue today. After all, why should we wait?
Welcome to The Joy of Retirement – it starts now! Get ready for a great journey!
The Joy of Retirement is coming soon! My intent is to build a community where people can explore retirement at any stage of life to find balance, purpose, community and share great stories of what is possible when we dare to think differently than the masses.
Getting ready for MyLife2.0
I am a young ex-CEO with three kids. I think it is incredibly exciting to explore what early retirement can be if you make life choices that bring greater balance to self and family, greater learning and development, and find a community of like-minded individuals who challenge the general paradigms to explore what is possible.
Don’t wait – get involved with The Joy of Retirement Now! Let me know what you would be interested in learning or sharing with others by commenting below even as I work on the initial design and content of this exciting and needed site.
Yet, when it happens to you, when someone criticizes you or yells at you, it can be more difficult! You may feel offended and your reaction is to defend yourself, defend your beliefs, and create conflicts. You may make something big out of something small because you have the need to be right and make everybody else wrong. You may hold onto this negative energy for hours, days, weeks or even longer! But… maybe that person was simply having a bad day; maybe that person needed to feel better about themselves; maybe that person comes from a different culture/background with different beliefs; maybe it wasn’t about you at all, it was about them.
As a life-long student of leadership and mindfulness, I found the following list of 9 Things to Give Up quite interesting related to the agreement not to take anything personally —
, have explored new paradigms, and have learned new skills. As I continue to build MyLife2.0, I am 20 pounds lighter, feel 20 years younger, and believe I experience 20x more happiness as I enjoy each day and plan for the next decades.
